Final Ultimatums Lose in Controversial Fashion

Team Captain Suspended by Team

Editor’s Note: It is with his usual vivacity and penchant for hyperbole that Kyle Gervais submitted the latest report on the exploits of the Final Ultimatums. However, readers should note Gervais’ notoriety as an unreliable source of anything resembling accurate information, as well as his apparent disposition towards gambling and other scurrilous activities. That being said, the editorial staff has of yet not heard corroborating evidence related to the “Tyranny of Katie”, but urges any students with reliable information to come forward. It will be up to the esteemed readers of this blog to sort fact from scandalous fiction. 

OTTAWA, CP: “Disgusting!”

This is how team co-president Katie Durvin termed the performance of Captain Kyle Gervais. “We are a professional team, out there to win – and he just gives it away”

Durvin didn’t mince words. She noted repeatedly how hard the team has played this year, how proud she is by the winning culture that has developed. How the fan are excited by the prospect of making the playoffs. But, she noted, this is hard when the captain seems to be working contrary to these goals.

Of her main complaints, four stood out: not providing the proper equipment, notably footwear, for game day; allowing the Athletics 3 team to play with only 1 female; allowing that same team to play with two ringers, notably Varsity team starters; being ineffective in enforcing the rules. Considering the above, she noted, it is remarkable that we kept the score to 11-8, and were tied at half-time.

After ripping into the two year captain, Durvin doled out the punishment: a one game suspension to be served on the November 4th game against Athletics 4.

As word of the suspension spread throughout the team, a schism appeared. While some were clearly frustrated with Gervais’ actions during the loss, others spoke out against Durvin. One anonymous player noted “this is just an example of an embattled president trying to reassert her control over the team by appearing strong”. Another player was openly concerned about in influence of her new secretive sidekick, Pedro.

These turn of events have put a damper on an otherwise exciting season. The team is playing well and spirits are still high, regardless of the circumstances of last week’s loss and the controversy surrounding it.

Additionally, the team has announced the date of its Fan Appreciation Night. This year, it will be held on the teams penultimate game, November 11th, at 9pm. Everyone from the NPSIA community is invited. There will be prizes.

THE LINE: For the degenerate gamblers over at Lac Lemay Casino, Athletics 4 is favoured by 3 points. The over/under is 19.



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