Blood Drawn in Final Ultimatums Game Six, Memorialized Forever in “Ballad of the Park Bench”

A bit of background on what was surely a historic moment in the Final Ultimatums’ glorious history, from Team Captain Gervais:

“Playing against team JOSH, we were getting beaten soundly. Nevertheless, Mr Foley demonstrated a remarkable level of commitment in chasing down a frisbee which was well out of bounds.

In doing so, he crashed THROUGH a bench along the sidelines. Even though he broke the bench, and was bleeding profusely, he popped right back up as though nothing happened.

Everyone was concerned about Tyler. No one cared about the lowly bench — even though it took the worst part of the contact.”

What follows is a hearfelt and artistic piece of poetry perhaps worthy of rivaling such greats as Simon and Garfunkel (although no word on their Ultimate skills), from the perspective of the bench in question.

“Ballad of the Park Bench”

My skin is pockmarked
from indolent efforts to make me anew
chipped paint
revealing a rainbow

A sundry of materials
forged and molded
I bring relief to weary legs
and preserve expired gum

A space for fumbling first kisses
memories of teenage love
etched on my slats

A shared public space
for most
some bums are welcomed
other are dissuaded
by carefully placed armrests

A respite
for the very old
an Everest
for the very young

A space to look out
and take in
under the crab-apple blossoms
or a child’s first game

Then some bastard comes along
intent on catching the uncatchable
a futile attempt
smashing me to pieces



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